describing an anxiety attack.

Everything scares me so, so, much right now.
I had a major freak-out about the economy last night--so out of control, so out of my control, so seemingly out of anyone's control. The somber news of bank after bank closing, wondering about what my senior friends are going to do to find jobs, what people's parents are going to do about their investments, and even, "oh my god, why did my dad send me frozen stuffed salmon steaks? can we afford this??", when really it'll probably be okay. This isn't 1929, maybe just 198something. Ben sent me this:http://blogs.tnr.com/tnr/blogs/the_plank/archive/2008/09/30/hype-and-fear-in-the-news.aspx which really helped alleviate my fears, but as soon as one thing goes, more fear comes.

China? fucking scary. I don't understand people of a similar Chinese immigration relationship to me desiring to go to that country to work; I don't understand the numerous Americans going there to teach English; Don't you understand that it's fucked up? Fucked up! There's going to be war by 2012. I'm such an alarmist: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/opinion/30wilson.html?ref=opinion

Really, there's nothing I can do, but that's even more scary, sometimes. I just wish I did what I did well.


I need to grow up. How about now?