three months into college

I am three months into college and not yet settled in.
My dorm is far away from main campus, home to 800 students who vary wildly. What we have in common? A hatred for where we live. If you walk fast (very, very fast) and the traffic lights are in your favor you can get to class in 12 minutes. And this is the South, kids, so no one gets to class quicker than 15 or 17 minutes. Sure, you can bike (or even longboard), but many people don't and those who don't hate those who do. That takes anywhere from 5 to 7 minutes, depending on the lights, how dense the sea of people is, and how many people you're willing to mow over.

The view though. I would almost say living all this way away is worth this magnificent view. I'm only on the 4th floor of this 10 floor building, but this is what I see every morning when I wake up and leave my suite.

I have lots of friends and very few good friends. I have lots of invitations to go party and get "crunk with my crew" (this exact wording was used yesterday) but more often than not I end up celebrating someone's birthday with Apples to Apples or going contradancing or enjoying myself quietly in someone's room and honestly, it would be very silly to leave something I'm enjoying to go do something else for the sake of doing it.

Contradancing. I went contradancing for the first time this past Friday night, despite the fact that nearly all my groups of friends are heavily into it and that many people from my high school went regularly. So, I went, finally. It wasn't so bad. It took me a while to get in the hang of things and I wonder if I shouldn't have asked for the guy who asked me to waltz's number. He was nice and I am perpetually looking for new people to hang out with.

College has made me more reliable, I think. I used to have a huge problem with saying I was going to do something with people and then backing out on it at the last minute. It is not that there is more obligation now, but maybe more fear now. Fear that if I back out too many times I won't have any more friends and damn, man. College is lonely.

I think this has been my biggest realization about college so far, which is not very conducive to feeling settled in. From an email address hastily written on the back of an index card declaring "first" in both English and probably Farsi (or maybe Arabic) to cell phones out always and promises and declarations of "hanging out sometime soon" and "coffee or lunch?" and "see you around S building" college is lonely and full of plans and not very much doing.

There is always doing to be had, of course, but more often than not it involves a week of Facebook messages (or for the more ballsy, wall posts) or back-and-forth cell phone calls and a quick run to the ATM for cash, and I just miss spontaneity, you know?

So I find that where I can and spend time with myself a lot. I do the lunch and coffee and the "hanging out sometime soon" and the scribbled email addresses and the cellphone thing, too. I don't kid myself, I'm just as lonely as everyone else, but I'm trying for more here, I am. And I think I'm finally willing to loosen the plans and eat a few meals by myself in exchange for potentially having some unplanned fun.

We'll see.